How well do we really know ourselves? It’s reassuring – albeit naïve – to believe we know ourselves intimately and completely. That we’re experts on who we are, what we want, and how best to get there. Yet psychological research suggests we may not know ourselves as well as we think. We’re shaped by bias, environment, and lived experience. At times, we overestimate our likeability and competence, while simultaneously underestimating our skills and abilities. In short, we’re complex creatures who, despite our best efforts, often struggle with personal insight.
That’s why mentors, coaches, and advisors are so important. Having someone who can critically evaluate your abilities and limitations – while having your best interests at heart – is an invaluable blessing.
I’ve been lucky to have many such people in my life. They’ve shaped and guided my career, to the extent that I owe much of my success to their faith and guidance.
As I shared in my last article, I suffer from chronic self-doubt. Left unrecognised or unmanaged, it can be very limiting. It’s a part of myself I used to abhor, constantly wishing I could just ‘be more confident’. Yet, as I wrote, there are many positives that come with constant questioning.
Despite those positives, I’ve had to surround myself with honest, capable, and competent people to guide me. They see me for who I am – strengths and weaknesses – and offer advice and direction. I use them as sounding boards, knowing they have my best interests at heart. They don’t shy away from difficult conversations, and they push me out of my comfort zone when needed or act as a word of caution if I get carried away in the moment.
The most significant professional relationship in my life was with my coach of 20 years, Simon Cusack. He trained me from age nine to 29, carefully and patiently guiding me from childhood through adolescence to adulthood, navigating four Olympics along the way.
A mentor or coach is different to a friend. A friend’s primary role is to provide near-unconditional support and positive regard. They’re there to fill your emotional cup first and challenge second.
Conversely, a coach or mentor, while having a personal relationship with you, is primarily focused on helping you achieve your goals and dreams. Sometimes this means having difficult conversations, challenging behaviours, or pushing you beyond your comfort zone.
Simon was deeply committed to my success as an athlete. We were aligned on my direction, purpose, and values. That didn’t mean I always liked his advice. But his unwavering belief in me, coupled with steadfast support, enabled me to achieve far more than I ever could alone.
There were days when he had more faith in my abilities than I did. Sometimes he’d write a session on the board and I’d think, “No way. I can’t do that. It’s too hard.” But because I trusted him implicitly, I tried anyway – and by tried, I mean I committed myself 100% to the challenge. Some days I succeeded. I’d make it through the session, hit all my times, and surpass my own expectations. Other days, the challenge was a bit too tough – or I was just too fatigued. On those days, Simon supported me. He acknowledged his role in the ‘failure’ and made adjustments, instead of laying all the blame at my feet.
To achieve something great, there are times when we need external help. We need people who will both challenge and support us – not just one or the other.
As I enter this next, challenging stage of life – transitioning from athlete into life after sport – surrounding myself with people who can do just that has never been more important.
So, when you’re looking for someone to mentor you, or if you’re a mentor yourself, remember this: getting the balance between challenge and support right is essential.
